Cornwall vs China

By Daniel Hallissey

A political satire that looks at a nation searching for an identity, where the newly established country, Cornwall, has to make fundamental decisions in the chaos of uncertainty. We witness dreams being sold and dismantled and borders collapsing in the brink of war… this razor-sharp comedy explores how liberty and the essence of a country can very quickly be chipped away, one Cornish pasty at a time.

The tiny country of Cornwall has separated from the United Kingdom and become an independent country. Cornwall proudly retains a pre-internet economy. Dependent almost entirely on their export of Traditional Cornish Pasties. However, due to their recent independence and no pre-arranged trade deals, every order of Traditional Cornish Pasties ends overnight, putting Cornwall on the verge of bankruptcy. The President and Vice President decide that their only course of action is to declare war on China. Expecting a quick and total defeat, Cornwall confidently expects to rebuild itself through the largesse that China bestows on all its vanquished enemies (just like the Marshall Plan at the end of World War II). Cornwall decides to provoke China into war by sending a team on a mission to stage an attempt to capture the Chinese Premier and hand over a declaration of war.

Meanwhile, the power-hungry Vice President has been working with a local mad scientist to engineer a biological virus in a duck, which is highly contagious and infects anyone who comes in contact, causing death.

 

The team on the mission through complete incompetence manage to capture not only the Chinese Premier but also the entire Chinese congress. Unsure how to rectify their mistake they take the Chinese congress and Premier back to Cornwall. Leaving behind Cornwall’s declaration of war against China.

With the entire Chinese congress and Premier now hostages on Cornish soil. The Vice President sees a new opportunity to potentially defeat a superpower using the biologically engineered virus carrying duck. Tension escalates as China retaliates bombing Cornwall, the Vice President tries to start a mutiny and releasing the duck on China causing a pandemic.

Eventually, the duck is destroyed, Cornwall surrenders and agrees to become a new province, paving the way for China to have territory in Europe and in return for Cornwall to gain financial and economic security.